“We Teach By What We Are”: Working with Children and the Eight Points

Meet Stephanie, a passage meditator living in Petaluma, California. Stephanie shares how she integrates the eight points into her work with children.

While reading in The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living (Volume 2) a few days ago, I came across this rich comment by Easwaran on pages 228-229:

“Brihaspati is often mentioned in the Hindu scriptures as a tremendous spiritual teacher. It is not possible for the vast majority of us to approach the stature of such a teacher, but it is important to recognize that all of us, whether we like it or not, are in the role of teacher to those around us every waking hour of the day. This is especially clear in our relationships with children. Anyone who spends much time with children knows that they do not do what we ask them to do but what they see us doing. Education is based on a breathtakingly simple proposition: we teach by what we are. It is easy to buy a book on patience and security and give it to our children, but if we are impatient ourselves, no amount of reading will teach them to be otherwise. If we want our children to be patient, secure, and selfless, we have to give them an example of these qualities in our personal life.”

To this end, I am blessed to work in a Montessori preschool and kindergarten classroom (ages 3-6 years) with another passage meditator. Here are some ways that we incorporate the eight points into our non-sectarian, yet spiritual environment and consequently, share our sadhana (spiritual practice) with our children.

Meditation

Easwaran recommended that children wait until they’re 18 to start passage meditation – it takes a certain amount of life experience to want to train the mind. For kids and teens under 18, there are lots of creative ways to use passages which convey the high ideals and transformational power. Take Sri Sarada Devi’s “The Whole Word is Your Own,” as one of many possible examples for a non-sectarian setting:

I tell you one thing – If you want peace of mind, do not find fault with others. Rather learn to see your own faults. Learn to make the whole world your own. No one is a stranger, my child; this whole world is your own.

In our setting, it works for us to use passages together at “circle time” or in moments of transition, such as waiting at the door before going out for recess together. It’s rather delightful – and common – to hear them quote passages like this one to one another at other times in the day. But passages can also be read as inspirational literature during quiet moments, such as relaxation or nap-time.

As they get to know me, I tell children that I am a meditator, and about how I meditate, using this passage as an example, something like: when I meditate, I sit like this (showing them my straight posture), and I close my eyes like this (closing my eyes) and I say these words slowly in my heart (and then I quiet down and silently repeat my passage). The intention is only to show them that I meditate and to prepare them – for if they do turn to meditation when older, they will have a tool that they learned early on; it won’t seem foreign to or distant from them.

As a teacher, meditation is my anchor. I’m on a very strict morning schedule – can’t be late for school – and I know that the source of my energy is derived from giving my best in my meditation every morning and every evening. When I don’t get enough sleep or have too many distractions in meditation, it affects my state of mind all day long. If I am to be as patient as possible, I need to “put my meditation first” – make sure I get enough exercise, and sleep, as well as to refresh my passages regularly. Also, Sri Easwaran reminds us time and again that we become what we meditate on, so, in the effort to be of service to the children with whom I work, who are extremely idealistic, it behooves me to try my very best to align myself – mind, body and spirit – with my own highest ideals. Passage meditation is a tool to do this consciously.

Repetition of a Mantram

There is a lot of time to repeat the mantram while at school. For instance, each day I get a 10-minute break before lunch. I use it for a fast mantram walk. Inside the classroom, whenever I am near a child, I use it as a “mantram reminder,” to repeat my mantram in my heart to share a sense of peace with the being next to me. This also requires that I use the mantram enough in my free time in order to desire to draw on it at times of work. Once, a child was starting to rub against one of my “sharp edges” of personality – in other words, I was losing my patience – and I took a moment to say my mantram and wrote my mantram for this child on my short break. Similarly, I write mantrams for the parents, in gratitude for also rubbing down my sharp edges, and to wish them well in their own challenges at home as they try to deepen their skills of being kind, patient, secure, and loving.

Slowing Down

In our classroom, slowing down fits into our curriculum under the basics of “grace and courtesy.” We train our bodies in grace by moving slowly throughout the room, and taking our time with our work – going through any job we take out from beginning to end, taking care to understand what the job requires all the way to putting it away nicely for the next person to use. Running is OK for outside, but we never run in our classroom. As Gandhi put it and Sri Easwaran systematized in our practice, “undue haste” is one of the ways that violence expresses itself; to create a peaceful atmosphere, we slow down. And we explain this to the children, and practice it ourselves as grown-ups. 

Similarly, we try to show children in our classroom that there is time for everything. This is how they learn. Many children, for instance, cry about zipping up their coats on their own because they are usually rushed at that time. At our school, we have all of the time in the world to work on any job. We won’t hang up a child’s coat for them, but we won’t judge them for taking a long time to do it. We let them take their time, and gently explain again and again that all skills are learned with patience and practice. How important it is to give children a chance to practice – and how satisfied and proud of themselves they are when they master some basic skill like coat zipping, buttoning or even tying their own shoes!

Putting Others First

This point is integral in our classroom culture – with sixteen children moving about a shared space, each one working on something different from the other, we are constantly drawing our attention away from ourselves and what we want only to what works for everyone. If a child wants to do a job that makes a lot of noise, we don’t ask them to stop, but we do remind them that there are others in the classroom who might be distracted from their learning by the noise, and invite them to another space, maybe outside. Or if a child wants to listen to music and dance while another child is reading, we make sure that headphones are available. Putting others first, in other words, is about finding solutions that work for everyone. Our classroom includes a “kindness tree” where children place a flower on a branch when they realize that they have done something kind for others as a form of externalizing their awareness of the putting others first process. Another example is when we wait for everyone to be served (or to serve themselves) before we have a snack or lunch.

Teaching this skill to children is again a question of modeling it – in my words and in my actions in the classroom. And we talk to the children, as well, about how it feels to think about others. But it follows me home, too! If I want to be a better teacher, a better person for the children to work with, it helps that I deepen my practice. When I spend more time using my mantram or go to sleep on time so that I am not deprived of rest and have had my regular morning meditation, I’m putting those around me first, especially these children.

One-Pointed Attention

This is another culture point in our classroom: we do one thing at a time and give what we do our full attention – to the extent that we are able, as this is a skill that requires practice and deepening like anything else. If children are eating, they are eating – paying attention to chewing all of the way, swallowing, and appreciating the process that got the food to our plates. It’s practical: children can choke on food when they are not giving it their full attention. And it’s spiritual: when we give anything our one-pointed attention, we are growing our capacity to concentrate and ultimately to love. In our classroom, this point is combined with doing one thing at a time, from start to finish: take something out, put it away; want to take out a job, carry one thing at a time, and so on.

The joy that I get from practicing one-pointed attention with the children is immense. I have to be constantly present, constantly working to put aside my own thoughts about my other projects, my own work or interests, myself, and dedicate myself fully to giving the children in class my on-going one pointed attention. It’s a great gift; and it builds the bonds between us.

Training the Senses

This is a modeling activity, again. When I can show the children that I am flexible with my likes and dislikes, they are encouraged to do the same. The important part here is to help them deconstruct any like or dislike as it arises – what is behind it and what is the reality? For example, regarding food, a like or dislike could be a signal for a food allergy, and we want to pay attention to that. But it could also be arbitrary, and that is what we want to understand together – we can, by our own example and encouragement, help the children to start early in learning the fun and daring it takes to challenge our likes and dislikes.

Spiritual Reading

In early childhood, the idea of spiritual reading really goes beyond the mystics, and lands directly in the mystical vision: understanding and experiencing the unity of life. To this end, any book or story that brings out this unity would be good material – including books about the wonders of the natural world.  It brings out discussions of how we are to treat one another and care for our environment. On the other hand, I have found that children respond very deeply to spiritual figures like Mahatma Gandhi because they respond to goodness, and they want to tap into their own “original goodness” as Sri Easwaran calls it. When it comes to people, we try to find books that uphold a high image of what it means to be a human being, and engage the children in discussions about what it means to be selfless, caring, compassionate, emphatic, and secure.  To the extent possible, as people struggling along the path as best we can, such an image should reflect the way we engage with one another and our environment in our classroom.

Spiritual Fellowship

The emphasis of our classroom is on practice. No one is perfect. All of us are working on becoming better human beings, and we get to work on it together. Especially the teachers. To this end, we encourage the children to work and play with everyone. A common refrain is “we are all best friends,” not just Sally and Molly or Joe and Sean – all of us.

***

Why do I do this work, combining the eight points with work with children?

Sri Easwaran makes the following comment on page 165 of the Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living (Volume 2):

“When I want to see how well someone is doing in meditation, I don’t ask if she is seeing visions or hearing voices; I look to see how easily that person can go against his or her self-will.”

When we are really paying attention, working with children can give us some serious insight into our own self-will because they suffer the brunt of it over and over again. The method of passage meditation can help. Anything we do to minimize our self-will can do a great service not only to the children in our lives, but to all of humanity, because the well-being of children – mind, body, and spirit – determines the well-being of our collective future. There’s no way around it: at the end of the day, to help the world, we don’t change kids, we are called, as Easwaran reminds us again and again, to quietly change ourselves, first and foremost, because when we change our consciousness, children are no longer problems to be solved or heads to be filled, but spiritual beings to appreciate, nurture, and support in every way possible.

Easwaran on Harmony

This week we'd like to recommend a talk by Easwaran on the topic of harmony – harmony with others and with ourselves. We shared this talk on the blog a few years ago, but have been re-listening to it over the past weeks and finding new insights and relevant ideas.

We'd love to hear your thoughts on the talk – please share in the comments below!

A Place of Healing

Meet Sandy, a passage meditator who lives in Arvada, Colorado. Sandy shares how her practice of passage meditation supported her through the medical crisis of a family member.

About a year and a half ago I became acquainted with and quickly immersed myself in a nonprofit setting that I previously had little knowledge or awareness of. The circumstances were unfortunate and certainly unsought – my adult niece had been struck by a car and suffered serious brain trauma among other injuries. After weeks in intensive care and several delicate surgeries, she transferred to what we learned was one of the top ten rehabilitation hospitals in the country just 45 minutes from our house.

For the next 14 weeks I spent nearly every day there in an amazing environment of expert, thorough, and loving care. By “loving” I don’t necessarily mean in the sentimental sense, although I am convinced that staff grew to love many of their patients almost as family. What I observed on a minute-to-minute, hourly and daily basis was love in action; a demonstration by behavior of the deep healing power of taking time, giving one-pointed attention, detaching from ego, attachments and aversions, and truly putting others first.

I have relied over and over again on the spiritual tools of the eight-point program. While for a time I didn’t have the energy to devote to learning new passages, I chose carefully from the many I have memorized over the years to fit the challenges of the day. Many passages from Thomas a Kempis and The Bhagavad Gita, Teresa of Avila’s Let Nothing Upset You, and Swami Ramdas’ Unshakable Faith were especially helpful. Needless to say I found countless opportunities to use my mantram, particularly when my niece was in pain or very frustrated during therapy and I could feel an empathetic rise in my own anxiety. Early in my life I had considered, but decided against, a career in health care, thinking I was too squeamish for the demands. Little did I know that time spent in training the senses would contribute so much to helping me become a happily willing and – I hope – conscientious caregiver.

As you can imagine, the hospital was a scene of much serious struggle – patients enduring pain, some near total physical and cognitive debilitation, fear, frustration, and anxiety about their present state as well as their unknown future outcome. To be sure, all the injuries were unique and people experience lesser or greater degrees of recovery depending on many individual factors. But what I was privileged to witness was not simply a template of what an outstanding rehab hospital should be. It struck me even more as a slice of what the world can be as we keep doing our small part in creating the spiritual revolution Sri Easwaran talks about, a blueprint for how we can conduct ourselves in life, wherever we are. In essence, the atmosphere and staff relationship to their patients seemed to be a living embodiment of practicing the 8 point program. It truly felt like “home,” a constant reinforcement of my own spiritual practice, and a resource I drew upon after my niece was discharged and came to live with us to continue her recovery.

To be alert to non-verbal communication, to patiently move through activities of daily living that now took much longer, to identify and focus on the very few priorities of each day, especially in the early weeks and months, there was a need to maintain a very slowed-down pace, staying in the moment with one-pointed attention. I’ve continued to learn how simple (not easy) and hard (but possible) it is to tune out the little voice of self-will that wants to take me anywhere but where I am. And I now have definitely experienced both extremes of Easwaran’s red-pencil exercise, from “I can’t eliminate anything from this list!” to “have I eliminated any essentials?” (The red-pencil exercise involves writing a list of all the activities you feel bound to do, and then taking a red pencil and crossing out anything which isn't necessary or beneficial.)

This is just some of what I observed at the hospital, was inspired by, and worked to absorb and use:

People who really look you in the eyes when talking or listening to you;

People who slowly and gently help you change your body position or location to be more comfortable or functional when you cannot do it yourself;

People who speak slowly, listen carefully, and wait sufficiently for you to form a response;

People who are slowed down enough to see and interpret body language when verbal communication is difficult or impossible;

People who do whatever is necessary, slowly and focused equally on the stimulating and the tedious, and tend caringly to the most intimate of bodily and emotional needs;

People who, while expertly assisting with physical recovery, regard you as more than your imperfect body and strive to connect with what lies deeper;

People who can focus on just you and your needs amidst a gym full of therapy tables, people, wheelchairs and equipment, each their own little island of concentrated work and service;

People who take the time to smile, to laugh, to let you know there is nothing too small, too distasteful, or too unusual to help you with if they possibly can;

People who can see when you need a break to rest or a quiet caring ear to just listen;

People who help you recognize and celebrate reaching milestones large and small;

People who believe to their bones in the possibility and strength of the human spirit.

I can’t remember who it was that said – and I paraphrase – that life is a hospital and we are all here to heal and recover. Some disability is visible, some not so much; at our best, we also reach out to help others in their own journey of healing. I have been given the gifts of unexpectedly encountering an entire island of the eight points in action in the world as well as a strong, determined and inspiring niece (who is back to walking, driving, and working part-time!) who has brought so much joy and love into our lives.

Sandy's meditation corner.

Over these many months I have had countless opportunities to recognize my own challenges, to stretch my capacities in practicing the eight points, and to absorb more thoroughly the deep wisdom contained in my meditation passages.  I think of the words from Thomas a Kempis’ Lord That Giveth Strength: “For I am at hand, to repair all, not only entirely, but also abundantly and in most plentiful measure.” And from The Wonderful Effects of Divine Love: “Love is a great thing, yea, a great and thorough good; by itself it makes everything that is heavy, light; and it bears evenly all that is uneven. For it carries a burden which is no burden, and makes everything that is bitter, sweet and tasteful.” I reflect on this time with much love and gratitude for my niece and the people in my life, near and far, for my teacher, and for this amazing spiritual practice we share.

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